Planning with a Wedding Friend is so much easier than planning alone

5 Discussions to help avoid newlywed squabbles

Published 16 October 2024

There are at least five big discussions every couple should have before their wedding day. They will help you to determine if you are truly on the same page or if you need to have a longer talk. It’s best to have those conversations before too much time and wedding planning has passed. There’s no point in avoiding them and having them now just might save your marriage further down the line.

  1. Children or no children?

    Be clear about your honest opinion about having (more) children. There’s no point in pretending as this just saves up trouble for later. If one partner wants children and the other doesn’t, something has to give. Resentment builds if one person feels they are being denied the opportunity to be a parent.

    2. Money matters

    Many couples avoid talking about money despite needing to pay bills, etc. Do you both spend as you earn or is one of you more of a saver? Who pays the bills or do you split them equally? Do you have a long term plan for your income? Shared ownership of debts and understanding what you both spend money on each month will help you prepare a wedding budget. Longer term, having talked about your essential spending will stand you in good stead for any future hard times and potential financial cut backs.

    3. Jobs and prospects

    What if one of you were offered a job in another town or county, or even further away? Would you both be willing or able to move? Does one of you aspire to start or expand your own business? How would this affect your finances/childcare/family, and could you cope? Having this discussion helps you understand your work aspirations and priorities. It lays important foundations should the topic need further investigation. Planning for the future should also include having wills and pensions in place.

    4. Understanding your families

    Families are complicated, and weddings can bring out the worst in people! You need to identify your family dynamics sooner rather than later. How often should you see each of your families? Do they visit you, or do you stay with them? You need to understand how your partner prioritises family – yours and theirs. How will you share those important dates throughout the year? Knowing each other’s priorities helps you understand each request. And wedding planning is easier if you don’t have to divide everyone up.

    5. Those annoying habits!

    If you’re already living together you’ll have an idea of those little tics and traits. At first, it may be so cute that they leave the top off the toothpaste, the toilet lid up, the cupboard doors open, clothes on the bathroom floor… now imagine you in 10, 20 years…! A short blameless conversation now about how you’d ‘really like it if’ could save a lifetime of ‘but you always/never’ type arguments. It’s also important to remember that many of those habits are trivial. Does it really matter that you want the loo seat down and he wants it up? In the grand scheme of things it’s not a matter of life and death!

    The first year of marriage can be tough for some couples. After all the hubbub of planning the wedding has died down and the Thank You cards have been sent, it can feel like a bit of a hole has been left in your life. That can be when the little niggles can set in. Use the time in the early stages of planning your wedding, just after your engagement, to iron out the tricky stuff. This helps make the idle moments after your wedding that bit easier.

    This is not an exhaustive list of pre-wedding discussions. However, it’s crucial to discuss these topics to avoid potential problems in the future. Is there something you’re putting off talking about? It’s best to air it before it festers or it becomes too late. Remember it’s about having a conversation NOT starting an argument. It’s okay to disagree and essential you reach an understanding or a compromise if necessary.

    Wedding planning can be a tense business, it can bring out bigger problems. If you’ve had the big discussions and agreed compromises, a disagreement during the wedding planning won’t have to blow up into something that puts the entire wedding in jeopardy. Tackling things together is easier if you’re already on the same page.